if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize