I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
