1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
