somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
