I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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