Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
