can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I need to sanitize my soul.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
