you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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