I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
