Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
