My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
