Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
