sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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