drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
