I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
