I hope mine doesn't look like that
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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