please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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