Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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