just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
