The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
