I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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