i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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