i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
