did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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