____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
