did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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