...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
