it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
