Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
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