After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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