I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
