My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
