I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
