You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
