Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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