I should be sponsored by Trojan
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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