I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Randomize