We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
