I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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