your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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