Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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