Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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