I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
