we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
