I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize