Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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