my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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