I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
