he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
