The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
