is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
When are your genitals available?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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