I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
