those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It's blow job season.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize