Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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