I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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