im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
