Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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