a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
