I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
