Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
