Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
