Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
