you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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