the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
vagina is talking i cant
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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