i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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